Inevitably, Hospital Watch is largely an exercise in public relations. It can’t be a documentary in any ordinary sense, because it’s live, so they can’t film more than they need and cut out the redundant bits – as a result everything has a faint bloom of pre-arrangement to it. When the camera cuts to a new scene, you see it awkwardly poised for half a second behind the presenter, the Royal Visit freeze-frame of people suspending their ordinary lives while they wait for their cue to be ordinary; there’s a sense that doctors are husbanding their bedside manner until the camera has arrived to overhear it, that even the patients are conscious of their obligation to give invalidity a good name. Everything seems to be going according to plan, which, nine times out of 10, or some such figure, is what happens in hospitals.
Drama, of course, is about the other 10 per cent, imaginatively expanded to fill the totality of screen time. “If you’re a fan of Cardiac Arrest,” said Sue Lawley, “you’ll have seen that a haemophiliac could die from an ordinary nosebleed.” You’ll also have seen that NHS hospitals are cesspits of expediency, greed and intrigue, relieved by occasional bouts of loveless sex and hectic, blood- bolstered emergencies. Please send any relevant personal experiences or comments to me at the Features Department, the Independent, 1 Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London, E14 5DL; fax 0171-293 2182, by Tuesday morning If you have any dilemmas of your own, let me know..

Cuddle her when she cries, get her to discuss her problems with you. You will probably find that your daughter’s friend will corroborate her story. You must then go to the school and insist on action.In our case the problem was solved by a very sympathetic teacher who discussed bullying with the perpetrators. It seemed that they, too, had many problems.It took my daughter a while to recover her confidence, but now she is firing on all cylinders and has regained her happy composure.Anon, BelgiumN E X T W E E K’ SD I L E M M ADear Virginia,I survived being 30, I survived being 40, but next month I’m going to be 50. Even though I look remarkably young – miniskirts, good legs and virtually unlined face – suddenly I’m well and truly middle-aged.When I suggested a party my husband, who’s 55 but is rarely asked his age, was incredibly reluctant to go along with it. He said: “Why tell everyone what age you are when you look so much younger? Fifty’s the time to start lying.” I’ve never lied about my age, but I could always avoid answering directly.

Does anyone else have any advice about fudging the age figures? I’m nervous, both about lying and, frankly, admitting the truth.Yours sincerely, DianaAll comments welcome, and everyone quoted will be sent a Dynagrip 50 ballpen from Paper:Mate. I was at my wits’ end until, one night, my daughter finally spilt the beans.She had been subjected to cruel bullying, which had used every psychological trick in the book, including “If you tell anyone, we’ll make it worse for you.” My daughter wept as she told me what she had been going through The poor thing was terrified.Pat, talk to your daughter. I know my parents feel a bit guilty even now for “not doing enough” but really they were fabulous: I just had to deal with it in my own way.Anon, LondonThe mother who got involvedSome while ago, my daughter began to suffer sleeplessness at night, unwillingness to go to school, cold sores in her nose and, above all, silence Repeated visits to the school uncovered nothing. Although I didn’t let them help me in any practical way and pushed them away when they tried to comfort me, knowing that they would have done anything they could to make me happy kept me alive long enough to sort my life out.If Suzi does not feel she can accept Pat’s help, then Pat cannot help her, but help is not the same as support, and support is everything. I didn’t think they could help me – I couldn’t bear to admit my “failure” to them – and I wanted to be left alone.The only reason I didn’t kill myself was because I knew my parents would be devastated and I couldn’t bear to hurt them that much. My parents knew I was having a rough time but when they asked if everything was OK or if there was anything they could do, I muttered that I had a lot of work and escaped.

Do something.Elaine Murray, EdinburghThe daughter who coped aloneI became very depressed during my A-levels, not through bullying but through pressure of work, and I was convinced I was having a mental breakdown and would end up in an asylum I spent hours in my room crying, pretending I was working. I still feel sorry for that girl, and feel the school let her down, as it did my daughter.The sight of my daughter that afternoon haunts me – that was the physical manifestation of the pain and terror she had been going through for months. I still can’t forgive those at the school who deliberately misled me because they couldn’t deal with a particularly difficult child. But I couldn’t bring myself to do that.I still feel guilty, 10 years later, that I didn’t interfere more strongly. She had a history of choosing one victim at a time to harass and terrorise.The advice the school gave me was to have this girl charged by the police. Finally, her friend’s mum brought her home.This kind woman had cleaned my daughter up but couldn’t hide her cuts, bruises, tears and swollen, bloody face. The other girl and her friends had thrown my daughter into a muddy puddle and beaten and kicked her almost unconscious.When I reported this to the school I was finally told the truth The “bully” was a girl who had very many problems.

I believed the school’s version.My God, I wish I had trusted my daughter more.One afternoon my daughter failed to come home from school. When she continued to complain I wrote to the school.I was told it would be dealt with. I was told there was a problem with my daughter and the girl she claimed was bullying her – that both were causing the trouble. Very poor GCSE results and an emotionally battered child (bullying can cause lasting emotional damage); or, at very worst, no GCSEs at all and a funeral.For helpful leaflets and an information pack on bullying, send two first-class stamps and an sae to Kidscape, 152 Buckingham Palace Road, London, SW1W 9TR.The guilty parent of the bullied childIf your teenage daughter is crying alone in her room, she is very unhappy – please try to help her.When my daughter complained of bullying I sympathised and gave her advice. While still only children, they’re faced with decisions about drugs, sex, boyfriends, contraception, as well as the stress of the changing structure of gangs at school. If Suzi has any sympathetic schoolfriends, now’s the time for Pat to ring up their parents and enlist their support in asking Suzi over.Without help, there are only two likely outcomes.