We then settled down to enjoy the mood – a bit, I imagine, like Dien Bien Phu in the days of the French empire, with everyone who came in talking the language of the occupying power. The few I fished out of my wife’s vegetable stew might possibly have been sung to by Bill Oddie, but suffered from floating in not very good soup – my wife, who is very critical, detected “a cube” – and the vegetables, though fresh, were a bit insipid. My wife read it through and told the waiter she noticed that the food had a strong Scandinavian bias. I was still boggling at this when I saw that there was a small appendix of “Smorrebrod”, with six different kinds of open sandwich.I asked for the miso soup and nine-piece sushi, she ordered the udon noodles meal and the Nippon Tuk Combi, which consisted of raw tuna, salmon, white fish and salmon eggs.I remember reading some time ago that people who make udon noodles believe they can improve their quality by singing to them.

Alter-natively, you can have Nippon Tuk house selection, a nine-piece sushi with miso soup; sashimi; an udon noodles meal; or a Japanese-style salad. We ordered two bottles of beer while we thought about it, and were recommended to try a local brew called Freedom. According to the label it came from Britain’s “first micro-brewery”, in Fulham. Whether or not this involves Lilliputian brewers and tiny dray- horses I am sure has been dealt with at length by the beer writers, but it was very good and crisp and even.The choice was between various pieces of nigiri sushi – flavoured rice topped with salmon, tuna, king prawn, smoked salmon, sweet omelette, white fish or sea eel – and maki sushi – the same ingredients wrapped in seasoned rice and in a seaweed roll. I did not, like my colleagues from the Red Michelin, demand to carry out a full inspection, but that was what it looked like when I peered through the hatch.Given the nature of the food, which is, as the name suggests, largely Japanese, it could be argued that no more is needed, but the more people arrived to collect takeaways – locally, it said on the menu, they deliver free of charge – the less I was sure. In any case, it was a subject that preoccupied us for most of the evening. The tiny washbasin, and something else that could be the central heating, are encased in the same pale oak, there is a bar of soap of better quality than any restaurant-goer can deserve, and the towel is thick, dry and fresh.
Against it being classified as a restaurant, Nippon Tuk is really extremely small – not much more than a narrow, glass-fronted passage – and, at the risk of libelling the proprietors, I got the impression that the kitchen is little more than a large cupboard containing a fridge and a microwave.

I think everything might have been all right if my brother-in-law, a controversial though not usually investigative journalist, had not joined us half way through dinner.My wife and I got there at about eight, were very graciously received by a member of the three-strong European staff (one of those, I suspect, responsible for the amusing racist pun in the restaurant’s name), and were shown the relatively modest menu. In front of this mirror, on a shelf behind the exquisite pale oak-seated and lidded lavatory, there is something that might almost be an orchid and a bare, tangled Japanese-style branch of a tree, its base wrapped in Shinto-red adhesive tape. Its narrow walls are painted in muted Shinto red and it has a discreet black mirror in which men, and I suppose women, can just catch a glimpse of themselves if they lean dangerously far to the right. In favour of its being classified as a restaurant, one could argue that it has at most five tables, all with high-backed chairs in open ironwork, strung with tasteful Japanese cushions, unusually gracious and polite service, and a lavatory that will to take the aesthete’s breath away It is tiny, and serves both sexes. Cool in the tin for one minute then use a blunt-ended knife to transfer the cakes to a wire rack to cool.. NIPPON TUK: THERE comes a time in the life of every restaurant critic, however naive, when they have to ask themselves when is a restaurant not a restaurant. Nippon Tuk, just round the corner from Bibendum in London’s French-occupied South Kensington, hovers in the philosophical no-man’s- land between such being and non-being.

In a separate bowl whisk the egg whites until stiff and fold into the butter mixture alternately with the sieved flour. Place a rounded teaspoon of the mixture into each of the madeleine moulds and spread level.Bake in an oven preheated to 180C/350F/ Gas 4 for about 15 minutes or until golden and the little cakes are just starting to shrink from the tin. Remove from the heat and carefully pour the clear yellow liquid into a small bowl, leaving behind the cloudy milk solids, which can be used in cooking Leave clarified butter in a cool place until set. Though only a dozen are in regular use, I feel curiously attached to them all, with their Proustian memories of family life. But for anyone about to acquire a basic set, the following represent a useful start: 22cm/812in round spring-form tin for cakes, set mousses and creams; 1 large baking sheet for flat bread, pizzas, crusty loaves, cookies and biscuits; 23-25cm/9-10in tart tin with removable base; 20-23in/8-9 square cake tin for gingerbread.A keen baker will also require: a loaf tin for bread and brioche; a slope- sided moule a manque; a tray of patty tins for small cakes and tartlets; and one special cake tin for making angel cake, or a good-quality, ideally non-stick, tin for madeleines.To make clarified butter: Slowly melt half a packet of unsalted butter in a small pan.

Cover and store in a refrigerator for up to six months.MADELEINESThe best 19th-century madeleine recipe I’ve come across – from Audot (see above).Makes 24 small cakesclarified butter, melted (see above)55g/2oz unsalted butter140g/5oz caster sugarfinely grated zest of 12 small lemon3 eggs, separated1 teaspoon orange-flower water115g/4 oz plain white flour – French, if availableBrush clarified butter into the shell-shaped moulds of a madeleine cake tin.Cream the butter in a warmed bowl and gradually beat in the sugar with the lemon zest Beat in the egg yolks with orange flower water. The polished metal surface needs only a thin coat of butter or oil to grease it. But not even the best tin in the world will prevent your pastry from being soggy across the base unless you take trouble to bake it sufficiently – it should be just changing colour – before adding the filling.The many different cake tins in my kitchen are crammed into cupboards and drawers or, ranged on the highest shelves, form a frieze around the room. Sold in sheets and rolls – Lakeland Plastics call it Magic Carpet – you cut it to fit your own tins.Another worthwhile development is the double-skinned cake tin constructed with an insulating layer of air trapped between two thin sheets of aluminium. This works specially well with rich buttery mixtures that scorch easily, such as shortbread.French-style tart tins with fluted sides and removable bases are now available here in a wide variety of sizes and shapes. The most durable non-stick lining for baking sheets is a siliconised fabric sheet, which is reusable so long as you wipe it over with a damp cloth each time.